Saturday, November 6, 2010

"I swear I sound just like her when I'm singing in my car!"

This time, exactly one year ago, I watched some of the people I love most in the world go through one of the hardest things anyone could every go through. Hell, it was one of the hardest things I've ever been through...

A month earlier, at the beginning of October, I went with my boyfriend to Wichita to celebrate two of his friends from his hometown's birthdays, Robbin and Beth. It was seriously one of the best nights of my life, I had so much fun with a group of people I have grown to love so much over the past 5 years! This was pretty much the first time I'd gotten to go out with Robbin, mainly cuz her life had taken her down a different path during college, and there was a little falling out for a little bit between her and some of the group we were with. But all was well now, and everyone was together and celebrating and having an amazing time. I honestly felt like I had found a long-lost sister-friend, haha. Robbin and I really clicked, and after that night I was so looking forward to my boyfriend and I going and visiting/going out with her and her husband...I really cannot put into word how awesome that night was, and the impact she made on me that night. I know it sounds cheesey, but you know when you meet someone and you just KNOW they are meant to be a great friend? Or even a boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever, someone significant in your life? Well, that's kinda what I felt with Robbin.

A month later, on a Wednesday night, I was at my boyfriends. I was on his living room couch, and he was in the bathroom (lol sorry for the tmi !), and his phone rang. I NEVER look at his phone when it goes off. I NEVER answer his phone. I just don't. But for some reason, that night, I did. It was Cayla, another one of his friends he grew up with. I ran the phone to him, while it was still ringing. "It's Cayla," was all I said. I don't even know what made me do it. I mean, he was in the bathroom! I went back to the living room, sat, and waited. I listened a bit. Something...wasn't right. Within a few minutes, Jake was back, and all he could say was:

          "Robbin was in an accident. It's not good. They don't know if she's going to make it."

They...don't know? IF? What?

It wasn't five minutes before we were in the car, driving the hour or so from Emporia to Wichita's Wesely Hospital to join her family and the friends we had all just been out with the month before. It was around 9 or 10 pm when we got there...Everyone was waiting for her to get out of surgery...waiting for swelling in the brain to go down, crying, praying, hugging each other....I cry now just thinking about it and typing this up.

No one slept. No one ate. It was the worst waiting game in the world. She was on a ventilator...they couldn't get her levels right to do one thing, or when they did the swelling would go up...it just went back and forth, and back and forth...it was excruciating...

It hurt me knowing this wonderful woman and great friend was going through this. But I had only known her that way for about a month, even though I'd "known" her for almost 5 years. Moreso known of her...but all these people I was with, my friends, they had been her friends forever. I mean, they had all gone to grade school/middle school/high school together in the same small town in the middle-of-nowhere, Kansas. The kind of town where you know everyone in your class, and the classes ahead of and behind you, where you dated all your guy friends at least once, and so did your best girlfriends, and there's no hard feelings about it. I love them all...and it killed me even just a little more to watch all these friends that I care so much about watch this person we all cared about...die.

They couldn't save her...I'm not even sure she was ever really "there" the entire time we were in the hospital. Late Thursday afternoon, the group of friends that had been together so long growing up went in to say goodbye to one of their own...her college friends said goodbye...her parents said goodbye...her younger siblings...her husband...her baby boy...

We left the hospital around 6pm. On the drive home we got the call. She was gone...

Jake dropped me off to get my stuff and my car, and about 30 minutes and a good deal of tears later I drove to his place to stay the night. When I got there, he was on his phone...calling Robbin. His voice breaking, he told me, "I just had to hear her voice one more time."  He called to hear her voicemail message.

I don't get it. I don't get why...why someone like Robbin would be taken away, just a month after turning 23. Taken from her parents, siblings, husband, son, friends...maybe she was just too good to keep here. I believe that...God just needed her more...

Oh, you know what caused all this?

Texting.

The girl that hit Robbin was texting and driving.

I am both simultaneously pissed and ashamed. Pissed because, well, geezus! Really?! How fucking NOT fair is that!? If that girl had stayed off her phone, Robbin would still be here with us today. I'm ashamed because I know I'm guilty of doing the same thing. That sure put things in check...

Anyways, I'm going to leave this with the lyrics to a Toby Keith song that I heard for the first time that Friday morning after leaving Jake's house. The video came on CMT while I was in my room by myself. The words described so much of the last 36 hours...so much that I started balling uncontrollably. It's my "Robbin Song." That, and anything Taylor Swift. When one of her songs came on when we were out for her birthday, Robbin exclaimed, "I SWEAR I sound JUST LIKE HER when I'm singing in my car!" Just another reason I knew we were meant to be friends. :)


Me and Robbin

Jake, Burl, Me, and Robbn

ps...she played the saxaphone in high school...just listen to the song/video, or read the lyrics. 


 



"Cryin' For Me (Wayman's Song)"

Got the news on Friday morningBut a tear I couldnt find
You should me how I am supposed to live
Now you should me how to die
I was lost til Sunday morning
I woke up to face my fear
While writing you this good bye song I found a tear

I'm going to miss that smile
I''m going to miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again

So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you want to be
I'm not cryin cause I feel so sorry for you
I am cryin for me

I got up and dialed your number
Your voice came on the line
That old familiar message
I have heard a thousand times
It just said, sorry that I missed you
Leave a message and god bless
I know that you think I am crazy
But I just had to hear your voice I guess


I'm going to miss that smile
I'm going to miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again

So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you want to be
I'm not cryin cause I feel so sorry for you
I'm cryin for me

Oh

So play your upsidedown, left handed
Backward bass guitar
Ill see you on the other side superstar

I'm going to miss that smile
I'm going to miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up
I'd do it all again

So play it sweet in heaven
Cause thats right where you want to be
I'm not cryin cause I feel so sorry for you
I'm cryin for me

I'm still cryin
I'm cryin for me
Oh
I'm still cryin


Love you Robbin...Miss you and think about you all the time...

xo- K

1 comment:

  1. Wow... I had no idea you went through this. I loved reading it though... very touching. I bet she's looking down on you and has a great smile on her face :-)

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